A Hopeful Return
Kazantzakis asked him: “Do you still wrestle with the devil, Father Makários?”
The old monk reflected for a while and then replied: “Not any longer, my child. I have grown old now, and he has grown old with me. He doesn’t have the strength. Now, I wrestle with God.”
“With God!” exclaimed the astonished young writer. “And you hope to win?”
“I hope to lose.”
Greetings, friends.
I pray you’re well. It’s been a while!
Since the last time we spoke, much has happened. I’ll share more in a moment but overall, life has been so good. I’ve gotten to live into what I feel I was born to do; love and cherish others (most of all God, my family, and my local church), and preach, teach, and write about Jesus.
Some days, I wake up and wonder, “How on earth do I get to do this?”
…and also, life has been so challenging—in virtually every area.
Therefore, I decided to take a step back from public life for a while. That decision actually thrusted me back into liminal space.
“LIMINAL SPACE.
The space in-between.
At least, that’s what I was told liminal space is.
Theodora Blanchfield defined liminal space as, ‘Be[ing] on the precipice of something new but not quite there yet.’
Brilliant.
My mentor used the imagery of an acrobat jumping from one bar to another: ‘The point between the release of one bar and the grasping of the next bar? That’s liminal space.’”
I wrote those words for the first time more than five years ago now.
What I knew intellectually then was that the majority of life is lived in liminal space.
However, five years later, I find that those words have sunk deep into my bones experientially even now as I again find myself living in liminal space.
Since I first penned those words in my mid-twenties (with a mix of naiveté and hopefulness), I’ve lived a lot of the life I knew was coming for me but hadn’t quite reached yet. I’ve since:
Planted a church
Released a few books
Became a dad (it turns out that learning how to be a calm, kind, integrated human being while running on little sleep is quite the task)
Been profoundly wounded and learned about the slow, redemptive work of reconciliation
Been profoundly wounded and left wanting and waiting for reconciliation to take place
Watched God do more than I could ever ask for or imagine
…oh, and I turned 30.
My thirtieth birthday was the impetus to finally return here.
It’s a decision I’ve been wrestling with for quite a while. To be honest, I just haven’t felt a desire to add my small voice to the cacophony of noise that already exists in spaces like these.
Also, my public life and private life are not two separate parts of me. Or, at least, I don’t want them to be. Of course, there’s wisdom and discernment that needs to be shown regarding what gets shared publicly, but I want who I am in public to be the same person that I am in private, and vis versa.
And so, a large part of my absence from this platform was so I could do the quiet, unseen, inner work needed to return to this space healthier physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
All the while, I kicked around the ideas that were consistently suggested to me regarding how I might, “build my brand” or, “grow my influence.”
Get on Tik Tok—it’s where everyone in your age demographic is.
Get on Substack—it’s where everyone who’s interested in your writing is.
Start a podcast—it’s where everyone is listening to people now.
But…here’s the thing; I don’t want to do any of those things. And I needed time to wrestle with the implication of that decision—like forfeiting future opportunities and becoming OK with not hacking my way to greater influence, book sales, and the like.
The truth is I’m just not interested.
So, I’ve decided to return. And I have clarity now around why.
I’m returning to you and for you.
Yes, you—to those of us who seem to be in lockstep when it comes to practicing the way of Jesus, together, for the sake of the world around us.
I’m returning hopeful.
Moving forward, you can expect to hear from me semi-regularly. I’ll offer a mix of musings, reflections, and writings from the in-between spaces of life, ministry, marriage, parenting, and apprenticeship to Jesus.
If they resonate, great! That’s all I’m here to do: Serve you.
And if you feel like these conversations are beneficial (because this is a conversation—you can always just hit reply to those emails to talk back to me), then please forward this along and invite others to join in with us. I’d love to see this community grow organically and thoughtfully in time.
Because how does the axiom go?
“What you win them with is what you win them to.”
Listen, the truth is, I don’t have anything fancy, new, or exciting to offer. I’m just a (for now, at least) 30-something husband, dad, pastor/writer, and follower of Jesus seeking to explore what it looks like to experience life to the full—what Jesus calls “The Kingdom of God”—here and now. And I want to do that faithfully and fruitfully.
There are lessons to be learned from liminal space.
Will you join me on the journey?
(P.S. I’ve opened comments here for the first time in case it’s helpful to interact directly here. Otherwise, please don’t hesitate to reach out).
Talk soon,